director, T. Rajeevnath has approached Paris Hilton’s people with a view to
having her star in his upcoming biopic on the life of Nobel Laureate Mother
director was apparently impressed by Hilton after hearing that she had turned
down an offer to appear nude in Playboy Magazine!
feel that this movie could be good for Razzie winner Hilton’s career are already
worried that Paris might send Rajeevnath her infamous porno home-movie as an
audition tape, which some feel may come as a bit of a surprise to him, or
straight out kill the guy.
two pictures on the left closely. Only one is of the real Mother Teresa. The
other is of actress Paris Hilton, who may soon be portraying her in Rajeevnath's
biopic. Can you tell the difference?
that Hilton doesn’t have the disciple to portray somebody who lived such an
austere, disciplined life as that of Mother Teresa, but Breaking News has found
evidence which may suggest otherwise:
This casual shot to the right,
taken of an unsuspecting Paris yesterday, clearly shows that she is hard at
work, performing a manual labor task without demanding any unwarranted
shot on the left, taken by a ruthless paparazzi photographer who works on a pig
farm, has clearly taken Paris by surprise as she takes a well deserved breather
from her chores. Already famed for her love of farm-life, Paris has never been
afraid to get dirty.
secretly a scrubber? You decide!
optimistic about winning the part, Paris practises her Oscar acceptance speech
every morning before putting her face on.
imagine Paris going down on the farm?
"You love me!
You really love me!" "No, Paris." "Yes, you love me!" "Umm, no, Paris, we really
shocking news is that Rajeevnath may also be interested in having pop Queen
Madonna play Diana, Princess of Wales, in the same movie! I interviewed Madonna
exclusively yesterday via a mysterious psychic-link known only as ‘Duggy’s mom’.
Madonna told me: “Although I’m not, like, as sexually experienced or hard-faced
as Diana, Princess of Wales, I’ve always supported, like, groups such as ‘Save
The Whales,' so I can play Princess of that easy. And I got a lot of experience
with rugby players. And soldiers. And if Bryan Adams wants to play himself, I'll
play with him, just like Di did."
Could this be
the material Princess of Wales?
OK, this is a
tough one because they're both wearing hats, but can you tell them apart?
your rug just fell off!" "Oh, shit, Mam."
the pictures on the right very closely. One is a genuine picture of Lady Diana
giving a Royal greeting. The other is of Mad Madge attempting to improvise her
idea of a Royal greeting. Which one is authentic? You decide!
Ooooow." "Stop talking with your mouth full, Mother Teresa."
One of the
two pictures on the left is of a delicate Princess, the other is of a hellcat
who could probably kick seven bells out of Chuck Norris if he pissed her off.
Need a clue?
Clue: Only a
genuine Princess could stand in this extremely awkward position for any length
of time without falling over backwards.
"Who the f**k
It was then
revealed to us that Rajeevnath was also secretly considering casting Brit rocker
Liam Gallagher of Oasis in the role of Holy man Mahatma Ghandi! Gallagher told
“Mad for it!
Yeah! I don’t have to dress up like a poofter or nuthin’ either! Just get out of
bed in the morning with the bedsheet still wrapped around me and I’m off! Suits
me down to the ground, our kid! I need a bit of a haircut anyway. He liked his
Looking like a
holy man? Or do the eyes let him down?
When I asked
Gallagher how he felt about Ghandi’s stance on world peace and personal
restraint, in view of his own hell-raising image, he became angry. “Don’t wind
me up, alright, our kid!? Personal restraint?! I’ve got bodyguards to do that!
Understand, bro? I’ll give you a peace o’ my friggin’ mind in a minute, yeah?
How’s that for peace? I get to wear John Lennon glasses! That’s good enough for
on... "Johnono believed in world peace like nobody’s business, but he’d still
knock yer head off if you got lippy! Gerrit? Mad for it! Hell is a city!
Madchester! I want world peace right now, or I’ll knock yer f**kin’ house down!
That’s how you get world peace on my street, son! Up for it! Mad for it! Down
for it! All around the houses for it!”
really portray holiness? Or will he have to rely on special effects?
character actor (or at least someone who acts like a character), prepared for
his role by taking his sheet to the cleaners yesterday...
going into production next week under the working title: “Total F***ing
Disaster,” will not be ready for release any time soon. Or any time soon after
that, Duggy’s mom also told us that Rajeevnath has many new biopics already in
development and that casting has begun. Upcoming titles may include:
Story Of Pope John Paul II, starring Tom Cruise.
The Story Of Her
Majesty, the Queen Of England, starring Sinead O’ Conner.
The Story Of
President George W. Bush, starring Sidney Poitier.