Breaking News! Paris Hilton To Play Mother Teresa In Holy Shocker!
Indian film director, T. Rajeevnath has approached Paris Hilton’s people with a view to having her star in his upcoming biopic on the life of Nobel Laureate Mother Teresa!
The great director was apparently impressed by Hilton after hearing that she had turned down an offer to appear nude in Playboy Magazine!
Fans who feel that this movie could be good for Razzie winner Hilton’s career are already worried that Paris might send Rajeevnath her infamous porno home-movie as an audition tape, which some feel may come as a bit of a surprise to him, or straight out kill the guy.
Study the two pictures on the left closely. Only one is of the real Mother Teresa. The other is of actress Paris Hilton, who may soon be portraying her in Rajeevnath's biopic. Can you tell the difference?
Some feel that Hilton doesn’t have the disciple to portray somebody who lived such an austere, disciplined life as that of Mother Teresa, but Breaking News has found evidence which may suggest otherwise:

This casual shot to the right, taken of an unsuspecting Paris yesterday, clearly shows that she is hard at work, performing a manual labor task without demanding any unwarranted attention.
Whilst this shot on the left, taken by a ruthless paparazzi photographer who works on a pig farm, has clearly taken Paris by surprise as she takes a well deserved breather from her chores. Already famed for her love of farm-life, Paris has never been afraid to get dirty.
Is Paris secretly a scrubber? You decide!
Already optimistic about winning the part, Paris practises her Oscar acceptance speech every morning before putting her face on.
Can you imagine Paris going down on the farm?
"You love me! You really love me!" "No, Paris." "Yes, you love me!" "Umm, no, Paris, we really don't."
Further shocking news is that Rajeevnath may also be interested in having pop Queen Madonna play Diana, Princess of Wales, in the same movie! I interviewed Madonna exclusively yesterday via a mysterious psychic-link known only as ‘Duggy’s mom’. Madonna told me: “Although I’m not, like, as sexually experienced or hard-faced as Diana, Princess of Wales, I’ve always supported, like, groups such as ‘Save The Whales,' so I can play Princess of that easy. And I got a lot of experience with rugby players. And soldiers. And if Bryan Adams wants to play himself, I'll play with him, just like Di did."
Could this be the material Princess of Wales?
OK, this is a tough one because they're both wearing hats, but can you tell them apart?
"I say, your rug just fell off!" "Oh, shit, Mam."
OK, study the pictures on the right very closely. One is a genuine picture of Lady Diana giving a Royal greeting. The other is of Mad Madge attempting to improvise her idea of a Royal greeting. Which one is authentic? You decide!
"I Wuvvve Ooooow." "Stop talking with your mouth full, Mother Teresa."
One of the two pictures on the left is of a delicate Princess, the other is of a hellcat who could probably kick seven bells out of Chuck Norris if he pissed her off. Need a clue?
Clue: Only a genuine Princess could stand in this extremely awkward position for any length of time without falling over backwards.
"Who the f**k is that?"
It was then revealed to us that Rajeevnath was also secretly considering casting Brit rocker Liam Gallagher of Oasis in the role of Holy man Mahatma Ghandi! Gallagher told us:
“Mad for it! Yeah! I don’t have to dress up like a poofter or nuthin’ either! Just get out of bed in the morning with the bedsheet still wrapped around me and I’m off! Suits me down to the ground, our kid! I need a bit of a haircut anyway. He liked his short, apparently.”
Looking like a holy man? Or do the eyes let him down?
When I asked Gallagher how he felt about Ghandi’s stance on world peace and personal restraint, in view of his own hell-raising image, he became angry. “Don’t wind me up, alright, our kid!? Personal restraint?! I’ve got bodyguards to do that! Understand, bro? I’ll give you a peace o’ my friggin’ mind in a minute, yeah? How’s that for peace? I get to wear John Lennon glasses! That’s good enough for me! OK?"
Liam went on... "Johnono believed in world peace like nobody’s business, but he’d still knock yer head off if you got lippy! Gerrit? Mad for it! Hell is a city! Madchester! I want world peace right now, or I’ll knock yer f**kin’ house down! That’s how you get world peace on my street, son! Up for it! Mad for it! Down for it! All around the houses for it!”
Could Liam really portray holiness? Or will he have to rely on special effects?
Liam, a character actor (or at least someone who acts like a character), prepared for his role by taking his sheet to the cleaners yesterday...
The film, going into production next week under the working title: “Total F***ing Disaster,” will not be ready for release any time soon. Or any time soon after that, either.

Thank God?
Having said that, Duggy’s mom also told us that Rajeevnath has many new biopics already in development and that casting has begun. Upcoming titles may include:

The Story Of Pope John Paul II, starring Tom Cruise.

The Story Of Her Majesty, the Queen Of England, starring Sinead O’ Conner.

The Story Of President George W. Bush, starring Sidney Poitier.